Do you remember the last time you worked a jigsaw puzzle? For me it has been ages. But I was having a conversation with a client about a puzzle they were doing – a double-sided one – and it got me thinking. And remembering…
How do you like to start the puzzle:
- Do you dump the box and spread all the pieces out and dive right in?
- Do you separate the end pieces from the middle ones?
- Do you count all the pieces to make sure the company didn’t cheat you of a crucial one?
- Do you organize by color, set up the box top so you can see your final picture goal?
So many ways to begin, each puzzle a new adventure and challenge. You must have a strategy.
When I was growing up, we did the occasional jigsaw puzzle. Whether putting together a 25- or 1000-piece puzzle, we always started with the edges, the frame. We separated all the straight-edged pieces from the rest and put together the frame. Then began the task of filling in the middle. The task – the arduous process, the time-consuming job – of filling in the frame. Puzzles admittedly were not my favorite family activity. They are useful, though, to learn strategy and to think through bigger issues in the effort to problem solve.
As I get older, and go through the motions of life, everything kind of seems like a jigsaw puzzle. At first, I thought the puzzle got bigger. That is started as the 10-piece kiddie one and then grew into the 1000-piece, very adult and complicated one. But I don’t think that’s right at all. As I’m aging and going through the motions in this space, in this body, I realize that my puzzle got way simpler and consists of larger, more visible pieces. 10 pieces? Not quite. And not quite 1000 either.
And then there is pain.
Pain seems to thread through all the pieces. Pain comes in many forms, and it is a part of all those tedious middle pieces of the puzzle. I can’t help but think of the nature scene puzzle – especially the ones with trees and leaves of varying degrees of the same color. That’s how I see pain threading through life. Like leaves of almost the same color confusing the process and making it difficult to finish the puzzle. And in that frustration, we leave the puzzle unfinished on the table, promising to come back to it at some point. And sometimes, we give up on the whole damn thing, wiping all the pieces unceremoniously back into the box – some of the puzzle still in clumps from the successes achieved in the beginning.
The question is, what makes us give up? What is the point in your pain experience when you just feel like the progress is not enough and you wipe all the puzzle pieces back in the box? How do you restart, how much progress is lost in that moment of unceremonious exhaustion?
- Who’s helping?
As with putting together a jigsaw puzzle, it helps to have extra sets of eyes. Different people see things in different ways, and it can be ridiculously frustrating when they start fitting pieces together that have been sitting in front of your face the whole time! Support from your network is crucial. Sometimes in pain experiences, it’s hard to find people to lean on. Some people are not as empathetic as we’d like, some people don’t know how to respond, and some people just don’t care (it’s a thing). Finding supportive arenas is important. And getting help to understand the different shades that make up that “pain tree” is crucial.
- The missing pieces
What are your missing pieces? What holes need filling in the progress of your pain experience? If you find yourself going through the pain cycle on constant repeat, what help do you need to break the cycle? I think it’s easy to get stuck at any point in the cycle. It’s easy to just call it a day – to give up – especially when we get to the point of fatigue. What pieces do you need to find to help move through?
When coaching, I guide people through a somatic tracking exercise. (Think guided meditation to look internally at your pain experience.) With this exercise, we can examine the pieces of our own pain puzzle and find holes we can fill. Although a support network is hugely important, it is empowering and necessary to find the areas we can solve ourselves to move forward. Sometimes we even discover that we (our own self) are the missing piece.
- The final piece
Do you remember the joy of getting to the last and final piece of your puzzle? Was there a fight for who would place it? There is something so rewarding and fulfilling about finishing a puzzle. Almost makes you want to start another – until you remember the tribulation you just endured. Puzzles can be hard, they can be frustrating, and I fondly remember the satisfying and proud feeling of seeing that final result when we finished an especially difficult one.
I cannot say what will mark the end of your pain experience. I can say finding the pieces that fit in your puzzle, and understanding how to move through the cycle, will significantly improve how you cope and manage pain experiences.
